Not on my bucket list

By Jeff Orvis

In the past few years, making a bucket list has become popular. I don't know if it's a new term, but it was popularized by a movie where the characters decided to do things that they hadn't done. They wrote down these things and called it a “bucket list.” At least that's what I gather from hearing descriptions of the movie. I haven't seen it yet, but hope to.

This past weekend, I watched the Belmont Stakes horse race. It was the third jewel in the Triple Crown and will probably be the last time I watch a horse race until the 2014 Kentucky Derby. I know there are a lot of folks in this country who could probably tell you more about horses and horse racing in 30 seconds than I've ever known. The Derby, Preakness and Belmont draw hundreds of thousands of fans each year. Each of these races take less than five minutes, but the build-up lasts for days.

That got me thinking about some experiences I haven't had yet, but some I have no desire to accomplish. I've never ridden a horse. I never hope to ride one. Horses can be beautiful animals. Top-notch race horses are real athletes, as are their jockeys. There may be no more exciting five minutes in sport than a major stakes horse race, unless a horse goes down during the race. I've seen that happen once or twice over the years and even though I really don't understand what's involved in preparation for these races, I don't mind saying that when I saw that, I cried just a bit.

So riding a horse is definitely not on my bucket list. I can be old and gray and infirm without ever experiencing climbing on top of a horse. Not on my bucket list.

Those of you who have become devoted victims of reading my columns in the past probably already know what's next. As I've railed on before, I have no tattoos. I realize that I am fast becoming a member of the minority. But I have no intention of drawing attention to my outward appearance by inking up. I hope I can make a positive impression on people I meet by my mind, heart and attitude. The same goes for piercings. I've got enough holes in my head already. So tattoos and piercings are not on my bucket list.

I have never attended a mixed martial arts (MMA) show. There was a time when I had a passing interest in pro boxing, back when Muhammad Ali or Sugar Ray Leonard were at their peak. I never had the urge to put the gloves on, but I understood that jabbing and dancing is a real art form. I also was once a fan of pro wrestling. In fact, I had the opportunity to interview some of the biggest stars of the show in their prime, including the future governor of Minnesota, Jesse Ventura. While I realized their moves in the ring were well rehearsed, I respected their athletic ability.

But this MMA thing is beyond my comprehension. Either punch the guy until he falls down or put a wrestling hold on him that will make him give up. But to punch a guy, then when he falls jump on top of him and punch him some more is ridiculous. MMA not on my bucket list.

Finally, at least for this time, I've never ridden on a motorcycle. I respect the folks who enjoy riding. I try to give riders wide berth when I see them on the road. I admire some of the big, classy, chrome-laden bikes I've seen. But the idea of racing down the road at highway speed with nothing between you and the pavement than a pair of jeans or leathers is not my idea of a good time. If I'm ever out on one of Iowa's rural roads at night and come up on a deer on the roadway, I know my chances are much better in my Buick or van than on two wheels. Motorcycle riding not on my bucket list.

That's it for this time. I don't spend a lot of time wondering what to put on a bucket list. It's easy to fall in the habit of regretting what you haven't done rather than being thankful for what you have done. It's good to have goals, but it's also good not to dwell on the past.