Circumstances beyond our control

By Jeff Orvis

“Due to circumstances beyond our control.”

When we hear those chilling words, we soon realize it's not good. Well, I've been the victim of several circumstances beyond my control in recent times. And though they aren't necessarily life-threatening and in the grand scheme of things, they might seem a bit trivial. But they tend to really tick me off!

I appreciate the concept of on-line banking. I enjoy being able to manage the meager amount of money I still have in my bank account by making a few clicks on my computer. One day, as I attempted to see if I was still in the black, there was a message that the bank was making a routine security check and asked me for one of my security questions. This automatically sent up a red flag for me. I knew this was not going to be easy.

When you set up your account, you are asked to create answers to three security questions so the computer at the bank knows that the computer trying to access a certain account is being operated by the account holder. So they ask you to answer questions like where you were born, your mother's maiden name, the name of your father's first pet, etc. They also recommend that you memorize the answers to these questions and don't write them down. If some thief breaks into your house, you don't want him finding the answers so he can steal the $27 you have in your checking account!

The bank's computer asked a certain question and I thought I typed in the right answer. No dice. I tried again. No dice. I got frustrated and tried a different answer and this time, the bank's computer said I was again wrong and would have to call the bank to straighten things out.

I envisioned calling an 800 number and getting an automated answer and referral and then being put on hold for 45 minutes. Instead, I tried the old-fashioned approach and drove downtown to the bank and thought I would try the face-to-face approach. The teller politely told me that they couldn't access that information and I was referred to an 800 number at the bank's Iowa City office. I promptly lost the phone number and that's where I stand with that one. I can still use my ATM card and that way I know what my bank balance is. But I still have to drive somewhere where there's an ATM machine.

So much for computer convenience!

 

Back when I still had a few extra dollars, I decided to subscribe to the daily on-line edition of the Cedar Rapids Gazette. Although I've moved back to Davenport, I still care about what happens in eastern Iowa. Things went well for a few months. Then the other day, when I attempted to log on, I was informed that the Gazette was making some “improvements” to the site. I got those old familiar chills again as I realized this was again not going to be easy.

I tried to jump through the hoops as directed on the newspaper's site, then decided to call the circulation department in an attempt to iron things out. After a few minutes on hold where you get that “all of our operators are currently busy. Your call is important to us, please hold” followed by some elevator music, I reached a real person. She tried to talk me through the process. But I have only two hands and had to hold the phone with one hand while typing with the other.

As you can guess, I soon gave up and get whatever news I can from the Gazette's web site.

Next week is the start of the baseball season. We have Direct TV and I was looking forward to a season of watching the Cubs try to finally make it to the World Series. But one day, as I attempted to watch a rerun of “Walker Texas Rainger” on WGN, I was informed that due to a fight over rights fees between the station and Direct TV, subscribers might lose the station at the end of March.

It seems that WGN wants Direct TV to pay a fee for each of its subscribers to continue viewing the station. This not only affects Cubs fans in Iowa, but people all across the country who rely on watching Tribune-owned local stations via the satellite. At this writing, all of this might disappear at midnight Saturday.

This is a fight that seems ridiculous. Both sides are crazy. Direct TV should certainly be able to afford to pay rights fees. I counted 43 shopping channels on my package and you know that the company is getting lease payments from each of these stations. Direct TV keeps sending me letters, asking me to reconsider and become a customer again. But Mom already gets the service and I don't need to pay again. In one of those mailings, Direct TV says that every seven seconds, someone switches to their service. With that kind of income, you would think they could quit sending me meaningless letters, cut back a bit on those stupid ad slicks that fall out of our newspapers each week and pay the rights fee!

On the other side of the coin, how would you like to be an ad salesman for a Tribune-owned TV station who had to call on clients on Monday and explain why your viewership suddenly dropped by 75 percent? Somebody has to blink or maybe somebody from the Cubs and White Sox can storm into the negotiations with a big, 36-inch bat and demand a settlement!

Maybe it's time to switch off the TV, quit worrying about the bank and the newspaper and go out and sit on the porch and watch the birds. As long as I keep seed in the bird feeder, at least they won't stay away chirping, “Due to circumstances beyond our control!”